Script for a J.D. Vance political ad 

Peter Costantini ~ Seattle

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capirote

https://amazon.com/Handmaids-Victorian-Handmaiden-Cosplay-Accessory/dp/B0B8H6RZB7

Over the past few centuries, the Spanish Inquisition has suffered from a less-than-stellar reputation. But finally, a man and a movement have risen up to reclaim the moral fervor and persuasive methods of Tomás de Torquemada, the first Grand Inquisitor.

J.D. Vance, J.D. Vance
wants to know what’s cooking in your underpants

White lady, white lady
better have a white baby

Hush, brown baby, hide in the basement
MAGAs are afraid of the Great Replacement

Need an abortion? Where can you go?
Try Canada or Mexico

If you’re using contraception
better stock up before the next election

If naughty pictures dance in your head
Vance will find the evidence underneath your bed

J.D. will use his elected position
to bring back the Spanish Inquisition

J.D. Vance, J.D. Vance
wants to know what’s cooking in your underpants

Music: Rap this as a call and response, with a chorus echoing back each line. Instrumental accompaniment should be a syncopated beat on a bass drum or bodhran.

Video: A chorus of menacing dancers does a heavy, stomping dance to the drumbeat and echoes each line of the lyrics.

The men are dressed in the long red robe and capirote (white conical hood) of the Spanish Inquisition. They carry crosses, swords, and branches, swing censers that release thick smoke, and brandish rolled up copies of porno magazines with which they beat sinners.

The women are dressed in the outsize white bonnets and red robes of A Handmaid’s Tale, with masks on their faces. They also carry crosses and white baby dolls with which they beat the sinners. Between verses, the female dancers ululate.

The visual for each verse is a flash scene staged as a tableau vivant:

First J.D. Vance … - J.D. Vance introduces his new religious police, the Committee for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice, who dance in a dungeon displaying the torture instruments of the Spanish Inquisition. J.D. does a clog dance with a large pair of women’s panties. Tomás de Torquemada, the first Grand Inquisitor, peeks out from a dungeon door.

White lady … - A white woman walks up the steps of her urban brownstone. Suddenly, the religious police jump out of the shadows and beat her with white baby dolls.

Hush, brown baby … - A terrified dark-skinned mother carries her baby downstairs to the basement as the religious police bang on her door.

Need an abortion … - A young white woman carrying a pregnancy test arrives at a women’s clinic, where the religious police suddenly appear to block her access to the clinic door and beat her with white baby dolls.

… contraception … - The religious police break down the door of the bedroom of a white couple in bed, and beat them with rolled-up porno magazines and baby dolls.

… naughty pictures … - The religious police burst into the room of a teenage boy looking at a porno magazine, pull some more of them out from under his bed, and beat him with them.

… Spanish Inquisition & final J.D. Vance … - The final scenes are a MAGA/Spanish Inquisition bacchanalia. The dancing religious police are carrying torches, and the characters from the other scenes are tied to stakes with kindling underneath. Tomás de Torquemada and J.D. Vance dance the tango together while flashing large pairs of women’s panties. The video ends with Stormy Daniels (hopefully a live cameo) chasing Trump across stage, spanking him with a rolled up porno magazine.

Creative Commons Attribution: Peter Costantini 2024